Sex and intimacy are rarely the problem, it’s often how we relate to sex and intimacy that causes issues.
Sex & Relationship Therapy
We receive a ton of unhelpful messages about sex and intimacy all through our lives and those seeds take root in how we embody our sexual self. Sex therapy involves the examinations of the attitudes, beliefs, and emotions that impact our sexual self and behaviors. It helps identify barriers to engaging with sex in a way that is fulfilling for you. Maybe you experience sexual shame, have had experiences of sexual trauma, or are just not having the sex life you want to be having - the goal of sex therapy for me is to get you to a place where you feel comfortable with your sexual self, and engaging with sex in the way you want to be.
I take a cognitive behavioral approach to this work and supplement it with mindfulness and body awareness. In sex therapy, I encourage you to approach your responses without judgement and instead with curiosity so that we can identify the contexts that bring you pleasure, confidence, and joy. We’ll also likely focus on communication skills, body image, and stress management. As I am also a sex researcher, I strive to bring into our work strategies, approaches, and information from the most up-to-date research on sexual wellness.
Therapy for sex and intimacy
Relationship Therapy
Relationship therapy focuses on the patterns of interaction that occur between you and your partner(s) that maintain distress, distance, and dissatisfaction in your relationship. I use Integrative Behavioral Couples Therapy as my primary approach to working with partners on relationship issues, but I also borrow strategies from Emotion-Focused Couples Therapy and the Gottman Method to relationship therapy.
The primary aims of relationship therapy are to teach effective communication skills, increase empathy and intimacy, integrate effective conflict management, repair old wounds, and dismantle unhelpful patterns of interaction that keep us stuck in hurtful and distancing cycles. To do this work effectively, we need to be aligned as a team against these cycles. For this reason, all of our work together will revolve around transparent and honest communication and collaborative work.
Some Frequently Asked Questions
Can I start with individual therapy and then bring my partner in later for relationship therapy?
Because so much of therapy revolves around the relationship between the therapist and patient(s), I will not switch to relationship therapy after starting individual therapy. Relationship therapy requires that the therapist try not to align with one partner over the other and this can be challenging if I’ve already built a relationship with one partner first.
Aren’t sexual problems usually medical?
While it can be a good idea to rule out biological or medical reasons for sexual difficulties, more often than not sexual difficulties are due to psychological, emotional, or interpersonal difficulties that can be effectively addressed in therapy.
What about consensual non-monogamy or open relationships?
I welcome all partners of consensually non-monogamous or open relationships in the therapeutic space. I leave it up to you all to decide which partners should be involved in the therapy process, but am happy to be a sounding board in making those decisions.
Will you tell my partner something if I’ve asked you to keep it a secret?
I do not keep secrets of one partner from another if it is relevant to our therapeutic work. In relationship therapy, I can help you bring in difficult issues that are important to the therapy process but that are hard to discuss or share with your partner.
Will this fix my partner?
Relationship and sexual issues are not something I view as something wrong with a given partner. Instead, the difficulties arise in the interactions between partners and the cycles we get stuck in. So, no - this will not fix your partner, but it will hopefully heal your relationship.
If I’m in an abusive relationship, will you call the police or report it?
The only instances in which I am obligated to report an experience in which you are subjected to violence or abuse are if you are under the age of 18, you are considered a vulnerable adult (due to cognitive or intellectual difficulties), or if you have children in your home who have witnessed the abuse.
Are there any issues you do not work with in the context of sex or relationship therapy?
In short, yes. Here is a short list of the cases I do not work with…
(1) … relationships in which there is currently abuse or violence that threatens the physical or emotional safety of one of the partners.
(2) … relationships in which one or more partners are currently engaged in affairs occurring outside of the agreements of the relationship.
(3) … individuals who are seeking therapy or support around their sexual attraction to children.